The Sweet Taste of the Forbidden Apple
by Passionate Cec
Summary: How is Helen feeling after that revelation that Will brought to her? Someone she desperatly needs is there for her. Firewall spoilers. Slight Haunted Spoilers.


Hi guys. This is a new Helen/John story. It's a sequel to _Firewall_ with a slight reference to _Haunted._ Now, I know that John didn't appear in that episode but I thought that it would be nice to see Helen's reaction to her father's possible death. And since I'm a hopeless Helen/John shipper I couldn't bring anyone else in. :)

I will start writing the sequel/prequel to _The Heat of an Iceberg._ I hope you have read it too and like it.

As usual, Sanctuary, Helen and John don't belong to me. I make no money with this story. Its sole purpose is entertainment. No copyright infringement intended.

Pretty please, leave a little something before you leave. Reviews make my day.

Enjoy. :)

**The Sweet Taste of the Forbidden Apple**

'I heard it's been quite a month.'

The voice startled Helen. It had been a long time since she heard it. And she hadn't expected to be found by anyone, much less by him. The last time they had seen each other hadn't ended well. It had actually been quite disastrous. And had left her with an empty feeling, a gaping hole in her heart which had woken her more than once in the dark of the night, the pain as vivid as on the first day, the desire to cry out all the pain she was feeling overwhelming. Several times she had angrily wiped away the tears she had found on her cheeks, cursing him for making her feel this way after so many years.

But she remembered then that she could not think of him as the man whose betrayals and sacrifices had stabbed her in the heart like a white hot sword. The last time she had seen him, the madness that had plagued him for decades and left him for mere hours was back, claiming her man as its host and unwilling puppet. Despite his voice being the one that had whispered words of love and devotion in her ear, despite it being filled with emotions that could only be that of a man, she could not treat him as such. Her experience with the dangerous beings of this world had taught her a long time ago that sometimes one had to be guilty until proven otherwise. And her experience with him, her knowledge of his wrong doings, the deep wound he had inflicted her that would never close prompted her into being all the more careful around him.

Slowly, Helen turned around, tightening her shawl around her shoulders to ward off the chill. _Had she really been standing here that long? _The same feelings that always swelled in her heart when she saw him made her want to close her eyes, lean into his tall and strong body and just let go. Let the tears slip down her cheeks and onto his black shirt, knowing that his arms would circle her body, holding her close as if protecting her, rocking her as if she were a young child in need of reassurance. But she couldn't. And as usual, she pushed those overwhelming feelings back, knowing that they would all come back more powerful than ever when she was in the privacy of her room, alone, leaving her lost and weaker than she'd like.

'John.' She whispered, her voice slightly shaky and lacking its usual strength and confidence. She stood straighter, squaring her shoulders, her back rigid, her body posture mirroring the fight in her mind and heart. 'What are you doing here?'

'That little stunt in Mumbai was hardly something one could go by. I thought you might need a little talk.'

Helen closed her eyes briefly, her blue eyes looking directly into his when she opened them again. He seemed so much like the John Druitt she'd known. And yet, he wasn't.

'How did you get here John?'

'Front door. Mr. Foss led me here. He said something about you having me in a level three security cell before I knew it if you deemed me mad and dangerous.' He chuckled. 'I have no doubt that you will. Would you like me to go there on my own?' He grinned. Helen didn't know whether she should laugh or cry.

'God, John. You can't just waltz in like this. Not after what happened last time.'

Helen paused, her emotions getting the best of her. She usually had a much better hold of her emotions but Will's revelation about her father had unsettled her. She had hidden it well while they were all still around. But now, the weight of the past few weeks, the discovery about her father and John's return, looking not a bit worse for the wear was too much. She breathed in deeply but that didn't help and a tear rolled down her cheek.

She felt John approaching, standing close to her, closer than she had allowed in a long time. His hand moved up to cup her cheek, his thumb wiping a tear away. Helen looked up, her eyes still full of tears. She gasped when she saw the look in John's eyes. It was so compassionate, so loving that she almost forgot they were standing on top of the North Tower in Old City. She could almost forget the heavy weight on her shoulders and imagine that she was back to being the careless young woman who had fallen in love with this wonderful and enigmatic man and who had just tasted the forbidden touch of naked bodies fueled with passion.

Forgetting everything her reason was telling her and, for once, giving in to her heart and her desire to be held by him, Helen leaned forward until her forehead was resting on his shoulder. She breathed in that smell of him that had driven her crazy back in the days and that was still remarkably the same. John's arm circled her body and she felt him kiss her temple before leaning his head against hers. She reveled in the strength he offered her before dropping a kiss against his neck, letting her lips linger on his skin and resting her chin on his shoulder. She had to stand up straighter for that, almost standing on her tiptoes and the gesture pressed their bodies closer to each other, allowing John's arm to tighten around her waist.

'You know about my father, don't you?'

She didn't know why, but she had a feeling that it was the main reason for his presence. He might have come to the Sanctuary to talk to her but she suspected someone in her staff, most likely Henry, had mentioned something. She should have minded. But she didn't. Not when he was holding her. Not when his long arms were tight around her back, pressing their bodies so close that the memories of their young love were vividly replaying in her mind. And most certainly not when his hand had slipped under her shirt, gently stroking her skin, reassuring her more than any word could. His touch was still the same. Still soft and fiery. Loving and passionate. Comforting and arousing. Too close and yet much too far.

'I do. Mr. Foss hinted that something might have happened. He didn't say much though.' Helen grinned against his neck. Her boy was still as protective of her and her privacy as ever. Yet he knew her well enough to know that John would be the one she needed.

'Will saw him while he was dead.' She felt him startle at her words. But he didn't interrupt her. 'He gave him a message for me.'

Again, she paused and John must have felt her turmoil because his arm tightened ever so slightly around her waist while the hand under her shirt flattened against her back and slipped up as high as it could, if possible, bringing her even closer to him. The gesture brought fresh tears to her eyes. He was comforting her before she had even asked the dreaded question as if he knew she was about to ask and wanted to save her the pain. After all these decades he still knew her as well as he did when they were engaged.

'Do you think he is dead?' She murmured anyway, her voice catching in her throat, the last few words barely coming out. She doubted he had heard them but she knew he had understood her.

'I don't know, Helen.'

_Of course he didn't._ And somehow, his honesty meant more to her than anything else, as if his words were what she had been waiting for all along. As if she had needed someone to be as lost as her in her ignorance and worries. She didn't need someone trying to reassure her that he was fine. And yet she didn't need someone trying to prepare her for the worst. She didn't know what she needed. But it seemed that John did. Once again, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony. The man she loved more than life itself and the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with was obviously the one person who knew her better than she knew herself and after so many decades their feelings were still mutual. And yet, he was the one man she could not have. The one forbidden apple that she had tasted and that had brought on death and devastation. Within her and around her.

Helen only whispered a soft 'thank you John'.

Words had always been secondary between them. Feelings and instinct had been everything. She didn't need to say more. He knew how she felt and he knew that nothing would make her feel better. All she needed was to be held by him, to feel that, no matter how much the world seemed to be crumbling around her, he would always be there for her. Her one constant. The one man that would always be there for her when she needed him the most.

She knew that, any time she truly needed him, the man she loved so much, he would be there for her, fighting against the creature that had taken him from her so violently. Certainly, he couldn't be by her side all the time and she didn't want to think about what he might be doing when he wasn't with her, but she knew that, in the moments that mattered the most she would always have him. He would always find her, wherever she was.

With that knowledge in mind, she allowed herself to let go. She closed her eyes and tightened her own arms around his body, holding onto him as tight as she possibly could. Unexpectedly, she found herself overwhelmed by all her emotions and she let out and strangled sob. The realization of how much she needed him and loved him after such a long day was more than she could take. One hand moved up and around the back of his neck, gripping him so hard she later thought she probably hurt him. Standing on her tiptoes, she leaned up until her mouth was right next to his ear. Resting her cheek against his, she just breathed in the scent of him for a few moments.

'I love you, John.'

It wasn't what she had meant to say, but the words had slipped out before she even realized she had thought them.

'Don't leave me.'

Helen wasn't proud of her begging but she truly needed someone. She needed him. And not knowing where he had been for the past few months had been so hard on her. She wanted to have him with her as long as she could. She knew she was playing with fire and really shouldn't be asking him to stay but she couldn't help it. Despite herself every time she saw him again since that cursed day two years ago, she was falling more and more in love with him. He was still the same forbidden apple but this time, she had seen what tasting it would cause. She had felt the pain and knew how devastating it would be to give in. But she couldn't stay away. The pull was too strong and knowing how sweet the taste was only made resisting harder.

Helen knew how hard she was making it for him. He needed her and loved her as much as she did him. She barely felt his nod and let out a sigh of relief. Tonight she would have to fight the demons and fears alone. Pulling away from him, she grabbed his hand and led him toward the stairs that would bring them back inside her home and eventually to the safety of her bedroom. She was perfectly conscious of the fact that this was far from the best idea she ever had. But every woman had a weakness. And Helen Magnus' weakness was John Druitt.


End file.
